What Do I Really Want? by Andy

I want to be happy. But I frequently catch myself not feeling happy. If I stop and notice how I’m feeling, then I have the opportunity to do something about it.

For example, a little while ago I went into the 11:30 meditation still a bit caught up in my task, thinking about it, perhaps thinking that if I thought it through I’d be complete in my mind and could then relax… Da, da da (thoughts). Oops, feeling worse. Whoa. Stop. Wake up call. Time to rise up in my mind and get the meta-view.

It only takes a second. Is this what I want? Is it bringing me peace and joy right now? No. OK, I’ll just drop it and refocus my mind on what I want: peace and happiness right now. I ask myself if there is any reason not to be happy and at peace now. No. Do I have to think about anything? No. I decide to just to be aware of the present moment. I sense the presence of my brothers in meditation with me. I hear a few sounds from outside and a slight breeze. Hey, this feels good. I let go and sink down in my mind. Drifting. I smile slightly remembering that God’s Will for me is perfect happiness. OK, I take that as license to float, to just soak in peace and joy.

We saw some good videos of David the other night about the power of getting in touch with what is really wanted, really desired. The power to have the experience is right there in my mind automatically. The Course calls the power the Holy Spirit, a symbol that’s fine with me. I’ve had many experiences of It bringing me what I want, the prayer of my heart. It seems to work most easily when I keep my wanting open and abstract, like just to feel happy. That’s basically my practice these days.

Here are some quotes about desire from the Course and two videos of David:

The constancy of joy is a condition quite alien to your understanding. Yet if you could even imagine what it must be, you would desire it although you understand it not. The constancy of happiness has no exceptions; no change of any kind. It is unshakable as is the Love of God for His creation. Sure in its vision as its Creator is in what He knows, happiness looks on everything and sees it is the same. It sees not the ephemeral, for it desires everything be like itself, and sees it so. Nothing has power to confound its constancy, because its own desire cannot be shaken. It comes as surely unto those who see the final question is necessary to the rest, as peace must come to those who choose to heal and not to judge. T-21.VIII.2.

What is the holy instant but God’s appeal to you to recognize what He has given you? Here is the great appeal to reason; the awareness of what is always there to see, the happiness that could be always yours. Here is the constant peace you could experience forever. Here is what denial has denied revealed to you. For here the final question is already answered, and what you ask for given. Here is the future, now, for time is powerless because of your desire for what will never change. For you have asked that nothing stand between the holiness of your relationship and your awareness of its holiness. T-21.VIII.5.

Beyond the body that you interposed between you and your brother, and shining in the golden light that reaches it from the bright, endless circle that extends forever, is your holy relationship, beloved of God Himself. How still it rests, in time and yet beyond, immortal yet on earth. How great the power that lies in it. Time waits upon its will, and earth will be as it would have it be. Here is no separate will, nor the desire that anything be separate. Its will has no exceptions, and what it wills is true. Every illusion brought to its forgiveness is gently overlooked and disappears. For at its center Christ has been reborn, to light His home with vision that overlooks the world. Would you not have this holy home be yours as well? No misery is here, but only joy. T-22.II.12.

It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept. For thus am I led past this world to my creations, children of my will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them and Him Who has created me. W-253.1

 We have the tools, the torch to free ourselves

 What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world. W- 20.5.

You have not lost your innocence. It is for this you yearn. This is your heart’s desire. W-182.12.

You are my goal, my Father. What but You could I desire to have? What way but that which leads to You could I desire to walk? And what except the memory of You could signify to me the end of dreams and futile substitutions for the truth? You are my only goal. W-287.2.

Very simply, the resurrection is the overcoming or surmounting of death. It is a reawakening or a rebirth; a change of mind about the meaning of the world. It is the acceptance of the Holy Spirit’s interpretation of the world’s purpose; the acceptance of the Atonement for oneself. It is the end of dreams of misery, and the glad awareness of the Holy Spirit’s final dream. It is the recognition of the gifts of God. It is the dream in which the body functions perfectly, having no function except communication. It is the lesson in which learning ends, for it is consummated and surpassed with this. It is the invitation to God to take His final step. It is the relinquishment of all other purposes, all other interests, all other wishes and all other concerns. It is the single desire of the Son for the Father. M-28.1.