A Happy Fool, by Anders

I am going home soon. Actually I do not have a home but I am going to Denmark to get some money issues in order. Anyway that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to express my experiences – or state of mind if you will – the last weeks I’ve been here in Spain. It’s been an adventure to say the least. There are so many experiences where the seeming inner and outer world connect in ways that blow my mind. Telepathy has become a common experience and synchronicities pop up all around. It might disappoint you – or maybe not – but I really do not feel like going into a big thing trying to explain it or exemplify. The thing is that I do not need to convince anyone of anything. And this is so freeing. Think about it. How can we really share our private perspectives? Connecting dots and making this worldly experience coherent have been the aim of my life for so long – without even knowing it. What a tiring project…

So this doesn’t bode well for my blog so far. Saying a whole lot without really saying anything. Or maybe not. There is a deeper level to this experience than what the form presents us. Something stable. And this is what really makes me happy. That I do not feel I need to make sense of this world. There is a moment and anything in it is as it is. I can judge it and add guilt. That’s all I have ever made on my own. Pain, fear and more fear. Now I am losing interest. Not through some ingenious insight or profound teaching. The thoughts that tell me that there is something wrong with either you or me just bore me. And when I truly do not hold on, something leaks in. A crack in my mind where I suddenly feel a deep peace and joy not of my own making but truly present. And if it is true that joy and peace are always with me then maybe it is about time I just stop pushing it away. Stop fooling myself with explanations and stories of glory and shame. Stop telling reality what it is. Just stop a moment and allow.

I am not in a hurry anymore. Through fear I have been pushing myself along this path for too long. As if I know where I am going!? God knows and maybe, just maybe this is enough. Maybe I can just relax and allow. Allow myself to witness the many times in which I am being convinced that, not only am I safe, but me being wrong about it all might actually be a good thing. That’s it. Just me admitting my foolishness and allowing laughter to replace thoughts of judgments. And what could be more foolish than telling God He is wrong about who I am?

The rest of it is out of my hands and praise God for that! Thank you dear friends for being perfect exactly as you are. Let us dare to remember that to be foolish is not a sin so that we may laugh and rejoice together.