The Power of Joining within Community, by Sam

I have been in this community for about 1 ½ months now and it is becoming more and more abundantly clear that the fastest way to move through any upset, whether mild or a full blown ego attack is joining with another who has been through the same trials and tribulations at some point in the their own journey.

I came here with a handful of pride and a feeling that I had been through so much already. I was ready for enlightenment  :D. If I could just keep myself in the space of joy and peace, I really believed I wouldn’t have to face the darkness or maybe I could ride the wave and it would pass through very quickly. But alas I have skeletons hidden in the closet that cannot remain hidden as long as I want healing.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false. Every illusion is one of fear, whatever form it takes. And the attempt to escape from one illusion into another must fail. If you seek love outside yourself you can be certain that you perceive hatred within, and are afraid of it. Yet peace will never come from the illusion of love, but only from its reality.” T-16.IV.6

I have unconsciously fought the system of joining here, which I was unaware of until I had graciously been given the opportunity to work through the upsets twice a day with a steward. Everything really is given for my highest good and I am grateful and fully accepting of all the help. What a blessing it is to have that here.

The last few weeks have been intense and I have faced some deeply rooted emotions that I have run from my entire life. Jealousy has been the bane of my existence and haunted me for as long as I can remember.

A deep hidden pit of unworthiness has arisen to show me that I understand nothing of Love. I have been given this amazing space to face everything. That I may be released from my delusions and despite wanting to run every time they came up, I am finally finding a powerful gratitude for all of it. Mother Theresa said she would never have begun if she knew what it was going to entail beforehand. But when we look back honestly on our trials we can see we are playing the script perfectly and that everything I experience is for my highest good.

One evening and morning the darkness came to be so overbearing I decided enough was enough and I was going to face the darkness by withdrawing myself to my bed. I spent the day listening to the A Course in Miracles, feeling the darkness and looking at the beliefs and ideas. My whole body felt like a ton of bricks. The steward entered the room to see if I would join with him and I refused, thinking that I had a better way and that I was going to face it alone. For hours I remained still in a deep pit of despair, remembering the time I had gone through a similar occurrence in Australia. I had relegated myself to my room and had written down every dark thought I could, taking me 4 days to pass through the pain. By that evening after around 8 hours in bed I decide to join with a steward and give up my battle. Within minutes my load had been lightened and I felt an ease.

Nothing we learned in the world regarding our healing really has any value here. This I can see now is an amazing place to jump on the bullet train, being for me the fastest possible route to the ultimate goal of the peace of God.

I prayed over and over for the fast track to enlightenment and I can see now that joining is it. Something which might have taken far longer using just meditation or any one of the other myriad forms of paths to enlightenment, I have seen now over and over that they can be released so quickly when the spirit is given full permission to enter. Spirit gently or sometimes more forcefully comes to receive all hate and as we allow the darkness to be seen truly and given over gratefully, it is transformed into love. Like the metamorphosis from a caterpillar into a butterfly.

They say in community the darkness you think has been healed already tends to pay a last unexpected visit before it is finally given back to source to be transformed into the nothingness from which it came.  I can vouch for that but when you do go through it what a relief to finally rid the chains of deception. To be in such a safe container where my upsets, angers outbursts of tears are just a call to love to the mighty companions who stand beside you on the self-same road.  No matter how much the ego calls me to defense, with such a loving space and strong desire to truly heal, how can I fail?

Even though while in the throes of darkness it seems to be a nightmare, everything is for my highest good. I often repeat the words “I want the peace of God,” but do I really want it? Until I am willing to open the storehouse of secrets hidden in my sick mind I am really lost. Most days I have the thought that maybe this day can be the day of my release, although when “a happy outcome to all things is sure” (W-292) how can I fail in anything?

I have had one true full-blown experience of unconditional love for everything and everyone while returning from my Vipassana experience. Nothing can compare to this feeling and I dream every day of being in that state again and for all time. So I wait in quiet expectancy of my final journey beyond the bridge from the land of the dead to the living. But for now I can just look forward to the happy dream in each new clean blessed moment that is unburdened by time and space.

Helpful Spreaker on strong emotions and fear

Joining in Spiritual Community