A Rollercoaster Ride, by Lynne Knott

My first experience of community living.

Day 1: Met at airport by Sue and Anja. Feeling very peaceful and joyful. The Casa is so beautiful, I feel this peace will last forever.

Day 2: Everyone friendly and welcoming, gentle peace seems to prevail. A quiet day, feeling some seeming jetlag and tiredness.

Day 3: As I did not have any duties yet and some were going to the market, I asked if I might go with them? What a riot of food and happy people, colorful and noisy, the abundant fruit and veggie provisions for the week soon purchased.

Later at the first expression session, I had the thought, “Oh, I really am here in community and this is all so new to me, maybe I will witness my first perceived ‘attack’ in this space held for no private thoughts and no people pleasing.” Of course this led me to defend against this possibility and invited someone to dump on me :)) When one of the group shared that he felt I had invaded his space by asking to go to the market (and on previous occasions) I did feel a jolt. All good stuff, exactly what I came here for! But whoa, come bedtime I noticed feeling alone and separate and felt some vulnerability.

Day 4: Helped prepare lunch. Felt very fragmented, alone, separate, felt as though my “life back home,” my family, friends, home had been ripped away from me and all my years of solo studying and practicing the Course had brought me nothing. I knew I needed to express this, I sobbed and shared some of my sadness and feelings of loneliness at the lunchtime session. Frances reminded us that this is a mystical path, it is not of this world and aloneness can be part of that.

Day 5: The gentle gardening tasks, the sharings, the expressions, all working their gentle miracles. Beautiful musical evening, fun, laughter and joining and, yes, I do belong.

Day 6: (today) Took an early morning walk to the Lake, came back feeling completely at peace and full of love and gratitude for everything the experience holds for me.

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