Sorting Out & Letting Go, Letter 2, by Petra

Dear Frances, Stewards and y’all,
31 May 2013

Leaving Alexandria
“When suddenly, at midnight, you hear
an invisible procession going by
with exquisite music, voices,
don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now,
work gone wrong, your plans
all proving deceptive—don’t mourn them uselessly.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
say goodbye to her, the Alexandria that is leaving…”
– Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)

State of mind
It’s 7.30 am after having a wonderful night of deep sleep. A feeling of processing all kinds of sweet sweet memories, frozen into material stuff like letters, postcards, poetry, old vinyl records, cd’s and photos of long ago.

Tears in my eyes, I have been such a lucky girl and then a long story could follow about my childhood, being a member of a huge catholic family with lovely parents who have taken good care of me, a brother whom I think of as being very humorous and adorable. He still can make me laugh in a sec’. Loads of aunts, uncles and even more nephews and nieces to play with during weekends.

Grateful
Crying now, in Utah I expressed that I had strong resistance to the word ‘grateful’. I didn’t feel a connotation with it and I expressed back then, this was so because it was an English word, and besides that translated into Dutch it gave me the shivers. It sounded sooo sugar-coated Christian. From my perspective: repressing and by-passing all earthly impulses, falsely smiling and pretending to be far more holy than I was and I surely didn’t have the desire to become a member of that clan, thank you!

Having said that, I do see there were things blocking me of the awareness of what was playing underneath it all and where this word might refer to. Somewhere I have always felt deep down inside  I’ve never been something else actually than a passionate believer in love.  I was not able to “come out of the closet” though and expressing this in a truly helpful way.

Now
Now I have a connotation “Gratefulness” is simply  referring to love, simply pointing to the feeling of being full of thankfulnes because of all the lovable reflections. All kinds of symbols are mirroring back Love and every single reflection builds up my trust. A vast power not of this world is pulling me towards it and I need not do anything but to surrender to it.

Humming and buzzing goes round in my heart. It gently vibrates a great deal of the night & day. When I get caught up in the action, I only need to pause for a nano-second to check in and yes Spirit’s still here. He wants to be here now, He doesn‘t want to go nowhere else, never ever. Oh lover of my heart, sweet reminder of the truth. I feel I am part of something too sweet for words. And oh man, we are truly going fast these days.

Thank You lovely Ones : )
Petra.