My First Week in Alozaina, by Jenny J

Well it took about a week for me to get settled, to remind myself why I wanted to come here and what my true purpose is. There have been big waves of fear and resentment and doubt about doing this and me wanting to escape back to my normal life. I give it all over to Spirit! Everything! Bring the darkness to the light. That’s the true healing. Before, although I have studied the Course for many years, every time a ‘bad’ feeling arose in me I always tried to make a shift in the mind and fix it myself, to change it into a better thought. But then it wont be totally healed and released. This ‘fixing technique’ just made me feel better for a while and then of course the same fear or feeling came back to me. Now I know what to do with it. Give it over to Spirit to heal my perception and to help me see this in another way. It´s funny that you could have read something in the Course 300 times and all of sudden- poof! you just get it.

So today when I’m writing this it´s Sunday and there is no agenda. I have always had this fear and stress around not ‘knowing what to do’ all the time, what comes next? But the stress and fear about that is not so strong anymore. I´m trying to relax and enjoy having no agenda, and to sit with it when fear of boredom, for example, comes up. Not running away to look for entertainment or finding distractions. I told spirit yesterday before I went to sleep You plan my day. I trust you! I give it all over to you.

I try to have Spirit in my mind as a best friend instead of talking and listening to the critical monkey mind. Why don´t I talk and listen to the Holy Spirit instead?! I´ve forgotten to invite Him into my life and really see Him as my best friend and advisor. I’m just used to talking to Him when I need it or feel really bad. But now I´m trying to remember to invite Him in, that He is always there with me, for me in everything I do. I also remember Him when we are doing our daily tasks here in the community, to stay in the moment with the task and not always long for something else to happen or for the next moment to come. I especially like the task where Anje and I pick oranges from the garden and make our own juice. It’s such a lovely meditation.

…And now about the movies

Song for Marion: This movie made me cry a lot. To see the beauty when hearts open and how Holy Spirit uses form to help us in the process. When you are stuck to your old patterns and think of yourself in a certain way. I´m like this or I´m like that. Well, maybe you’re not that at all! I liked Jenny’s question, when she said “Who is choosing death?” when the man was always grumpy and wanted to stay in his safety zone?

The Object of My Affection: It gave me a good reflection of what relationships should normally look like; how the ego world wants it to be. Not only relationships but everything in form. And the strong need and thought that you can ‘own’ a person or a thing! My child, my wife, my job, my house etc. You can have a holy relationship with everyone! Have a big family with all sorts of constructions. And it´s all fine.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World: This movie actually scared me a bit, because even though I know the world doesn’t exist, it looks kind of real to me, and I am obviously still attached to it. I could really feel her fear in the end before the bang. I´m also very afraid of physical pain, but I liked it though because like Jenny said “What would you do?”  Yeah there’s quite a lot of fear around that question for me. And I actually don´t really know. But I definitely can see that I am still afraid of death.